Hello again, lovelies! I’m just now realizing how much I have neglected this space the last month. Not because I haven’t been inspired. Perhaps I’ve been too inspired. I have focused a lot of my energy this month on my tarot practice & exploring the many doors it has opened. And, I have been deeply exploring my heart space, manifesting love in my life & meditating on what it means to me to be a single woman.
I’ll be honest; I have struggled to write this. It’s important to me. Being single is a big part of my identity. You would think I would have an easier time writing about something I’m so vocal about. I thought sharing that part of myself with the community I’ve created here would be easy. But, it’s arguably the hardest thing I’ve decided to write about so far.
I’ve been searching for this balance between embracing my singleness & being jaded for not finding a partner in my twenties. Jaded, not by my singleness – I’m really good at being single – but by the people who thought they could love me when they couldn’t.
I go through phases of loving the single life & the freedom I have found and cursing all the dating apps out there & the pity I receive from everyone & their mother. (Self-pity included).
All of that being said, I hope to get my point across, or find my point along the way.
Embracing the Single Life
I am the woman that never brings a date to family dinners. The woman that invites her best friend to accompany her to holiday parties. The one that lives on her own. And takes herself out on brunch dates. And buys herself flowers.
I am even the woman that flew across the ocean by herself to explore unknown cities. And will definitely be doing that again.
I wake up in the middle of the bed with no one beside me. That’s a true treat. I take bubble baths for as long as I want to. And enjoy books, sometimes cover-to-cover, without feeling obligated to talk to someone else. I can sit in complete silence for hours. (And when you work at a school, that is a cherished gift).
Those are little freedoms, however.
I get to explore all of my dreams too. Travel dreams. Career dreams. Creative dreams. This dream right here! I have given myself the freedom to explore whatever my heart is craving. And, I have never had to apologize for that. (Not that I would anyway).
But, all of that certainly does not make me special. I know a lot of women, and am friends with a lot of those women, who love to travel & live alone.
I also know a lot of women who are scared to explore what it means to be single & ultimately alone. Women who would never dream of riding solo through life. And guess what? That’s okay too!
Freedom is not an exclusive experience for the singletons. I believe we are all worthy of the same freedoms regardless of our status. A healthy relationship allows both parties to grow, explore themselves, find their truth.
Allowing space promotes growth. I have allowed myself that space for many years. My wish for those reading is that you find that space whether you’re in a relationship or not. If, and when, you have found that space, revel in it. Send gratitude out; to yourself & to your partner. And, if you are your own partner right now – even better.
Real Relationship Goals
So, what happens when you choose to be single for the greater part of your twenties?
You figure out what you want. Exactly what you want.
When you spend enough time alone, you have the opportunity to explore the depths of yourself. You get to sit in your alone-ness (which is not the same as loneliness).
Raw emotions can & will come up. The ones only you know exist. And at some point, I can’t tell you when, you figure out how to let others in on those raw emotions. And suddenly you are telling a stranger your heart-breaking story of love & loss over tequila in a small cocktail bar.
When you spend enough time alone, and a relationship isn’t your endgame, the way you interact with people changes. You connect with your friends & even strangers on a deeper level. You give more of yourself, more of your raw emotions, to the other person.
When you take romantic love out of the equation, you find connections that last so much longer.
I can’t even begin to count the genuine souls that I have connected with in my travels & in my own city. I carry these souls & their love with me wherever I go. And when we do get the chance to reconnect, it’s as if no time has passed & I find myself in such a state of gratitude for their presence. Now, that is a relationship goal.
There is one connection that really makes my heart soar. I met him while volunteering in the mountains of Italy where our paths so serendipitously crossed. We were almost instantly connected by our crass humour & deep love of music. But our connection ended up being so much more than that. More than a romantic relationship has ever given me. We still find the time (two & a half years later) to connect & check-in with each other. We support each other in whatever wild dreams run through our heads. And we listen. We listen to each other’s stories, musings & grand plans. Even though we live so far apart, we are so very aligned. That is a relationship goal.
To grow alongside someone while supporting each other’s dreams & aspirations, regardless of the platonic or romantic status of your relationship, is the relationship goal.
Honestly, I don’t know if there are any final thoughts on this subject. The conversation is continuing.
While putting this piece together, I found myself peeling back more & more layers of what being single means and of what being in a relationship means. Which just brings up more questions to ask, more answers to find. It’s a journey I believe a lot of people to be on. Especially in this time of online dating & endless “situationships.” But, that’s a whole other post, isn’t it?
Whether single or in a relationship, finding your space and the courage to grow can seem impossibly tough. I can vouch for that. But, I can also vouch for the gratifying feeling you receive when you do find that space & courage to grow in all the ways you are meant to.
If there are any final thoughts, allow them to be this; Be alone. Explore what that means. Learn about yourself.
So, when the right person comes along, there is no question as to whether they’re meant for you or not.
Your heart will know.
With the most love ~ zz